A3. The Law of Marriage.
The refining element in nature is feminine. The greater constructive force in nature is masculine. The clearer‑seeing element in nature is feminine. The ability to do what the feminine force or mind sees is the fit thing to do, is masculine. Woman can best see how effort on the rougher stratum of life should be done. Man is best fitted to do on that cruder stratum, because the masculine or relatively cruder organization is best fitted to work on that stratum. Woman’s spiritual eye always sees farther than man’s. Man’s spiritual hand, or force, has more power to do what the feminine eye sees should be done. Woman’s spiritual eye, or intuition, is always opened in advance of man’s. For this reason, there are far more clairvoyants among women than men. For this reason, women are the first to apprehend all new revelation.
For this reason it has become almost an adage that woman “jumps at correct conclusions,” because her capacity of foretelling results in business, of warning man whom to trust and whom not to trust,—in other words, her sense of feeling the truth,—is keener than that of man’s, on the same principle, and by the same law applied in another direction, that the more delicately adjusted meteorological instrument will be the most sensitive to varying conditions of the air, and therefore give notice of coming changes.
Woman’s clearer sight will, in all stages of growth and existence, be clearer than man’s; and man will always have the most power to carry out the idea for which he is indebted to woman. And for every man’s peculiar power, there can be but one feminine clear‑seeing eye or mind to tell him where and how to use that power; and the feminine eye is predestined for the masculine constructive hand, and only for that hand; and when the two come together and work together, as ultimately they must, there is the true marriage.
The feminine force or mind is a necessary and inevitable part of the masculine force or mind. In other realms of existence where these two, the masculine and feminine, in the shape of one man and one woman, understand their true relationship to each other, and live up to that relationship, there are powers to each coming of the union of these two spirits, that our relatively weak human imaginations can barely realize. Because, in those domains of existence, every thought, every ideal, every imagination, becomes a reality. We dream, and wish, and long, for things desirable. But out of the married spiritual powers of one man and one woman in the higher order of existence, it becomes possible in very short periods of time to make realities of what here we may term dreams and air‑castles.
The corner‑stone of this power lies in marriage; that is, the marriage of the right man to the right woman,—the eternal marriage of one man to one woman; the eternal union and consequent thought‑fruition of the predestined man to the woman predestined for that man.
For every created man there is a created woman, who stands to him, and him alone, as the only true wife he can have in this world, or any other. They shall each in the other realize all their ideals of wedded bliss; and their eternal life when both are relatively complete, and when both understand their relation, use, and fitness to each other, shall be an eternal honeymoon.
Many couples are genuinely married now who do not get along at all happily together. They may never live happily together in their present embodiments. But they will assuredly meet in other re‑embodiments as other physical individuals,— man and woman,—and with other names and their spiritual or higher selves will eventually recognize each other.
A man’s true wife, whether her mind or spirit have a physical body to use on this stratum of life or not, is the only woman in the universe who can give, impress, or inspire him with the highest ideas he is capable of receiving. And such ideas from such source shall for him have a fitness and use, suitable for his peculiar intellect and his peculiar work, business enterprise, or undertaking, at the time they are received from her; nor can he receive from any other being in the universe that idea or order of thought which shall suit his peculiar needs. The true husband of such a wife, whether his spirit has a physical body or not, is the only man in the universe to carry the ideas received from his wife into execution.
This fitness and adjustment each to the other constitute their oneness. She, through the fineness and greater sensitiveness of her organization, receives thought from the higher domain of mind. She is, so to speak, the more sensitive photographic plate for receiving impression. His is the more suitable intellect for a relatively coarser stratum of life to put the ideas so received into execution. But the man’s is not the stronger intellect for originating ideas; or, in other words, for receiving the finer and more powerful thought. All leading ideas have been brought into the world by women. Man has unconsciously taken or absorbed them from her, and then ignorantly given himself full credit for them. Behind every great enterprise or movement in the world’s history, there has been the generally unknown woman who has inspired the man or men prominent in such movement. It was Mme. Roland who inspired the Gironde to demand a constitutional government for France. It was Josephine who fed Napoleon with the ideas which resulted in his triumphant career until their separation. It was Isabella of Spain, who prompted and persisted and importuned the hesitating Ferdinand to aid Columbus to re‑discover that new world which her woman’s intuition, soaring beyond the narrow bounds of what the world calls “reason,” told her existed. Behind Washington stood his wife, who shared with him the hardships of Valley Forge, and who was also the still unrecognized communicator to him of those ideas and that power which his intellect used in securing American independence. Behind every successful man, in every grade and phase of life, in every successful business or undertaking, there has been somewhere, seen or unseen, a woman, his inspirer.
Woman has more power to‑day, and uses more power, than even she realizes. Because the power and effect of woman’s thought are everywhere, and every man feels it according to his sensitiveness or capacity for feeling, or absorbing thought.
A woman’s mind may teem with invention; and every thought or idea of this order may be absorbed and used and unconsciously taken from her by some man more or less in association with her. A woman’s mind may be full of business ideas and business capacity, and this may be absorbed and appropriated in the same way by a man; while she may neither receive credit for these gifts, nor even credit herself for giving them. It is a truth, that valuable ideas may be given away to others when but few, if any, words pass between them. Worse yet, it sometimes happens, that if yours is the finest thought, and some one with whom you are much in association is the coarser mind, the finer is absorbed to an extent; while you absorb, and get back in return, the coarser. You may then act that coarser thought, think it, and be governed by it. You will not be then using your own, the superior power (that is, thought), but the other, the inferior; and for such reason, you will not prosper so well in business, or succeed so well in your art. This is the damage inferred by an ancient writer when he said, “Be ye not unequally yoked together.”
Woman is not the “weaker,” but the finer vessel. She is to man what the delicately adjusted magnetic needle of the compass is to the helm which steers the ship. Being the finer instrument, she does need to be shielded and protected from the cruder forces with which man deals, as the engineer shields and protects his theodolite, or the sailor his compass or sextant.
If, then, the finer instrument for receiving the finer idea is obliged to deal at the same time with the cruder forces of Nature, or, in other words, do man’s work, the instrument will be injured and blunted, and rendered less sensitive, and in turn man will not, through her, receive what he would were the instrument better protected; and in consequence man will be injured in health and fortune.
If you tire and fag the body, you make it more difficult for the spirit to act on that body, and more difficult for it to aspire and reach literally out and up, permanently, above the crude stratum or current of thought all around us, and into the regions of higher, finer, and more powerful thought.
It is only the barbaric idea which declares that household work shall be exclusively woman’s work. In‑door work, where cooking, bed‑making, washing, baby‑tending, and a dozen or twenty other duties fall on a woman in a single morning, is far more exhausting than following the plough, or any single line of masculine effort; for the more things you have on your mind, to do within a given time, the more force (that is, thought) are you sending out in different directions within a given time; and this exhausts quicker than if force is concentrated on one line of effort, as when a man is keeping books, or digging, or at work on the forge, the desk, or the carpenter’s bench. So if woman is made a drudge, her spiritual eyesight, or faculty of getting new ideas, is blunted; because the force necessary to get that idea is turned to muscular effort. If man also drudges, his power to receive her idea, and work it out, is also crippled.
If a man will not or can not recognize this relation and use of his real wife to him, he may have a compass which he refuses to use. If he continually scoffs at her impressions or intuitions or suggestions, as to his life and methods of business, he may at last so injure the compass as to make it quite useless. In other words, he will blunt her intellect, cripple her intuition, and choke up the fount of her inspiration. He will quite sever her connection, and ability to reach and draw from the higher current of constructive thought. He will injure her health and his own. He will injure her intellect and his own. He is dragging down on lower and coarser levels of life himself, and her with him.
he question has often arisen, “Why has woman accomplished relatively, as compared with man, so little in the more active fields of effort, in invention, in business?” The answer is, that in every department of life, without the feminine brain behind his own, so transmitting original and fresher thought and idea to him, man has accomplished little or nothing, whether as conqueror on the field of battle, or conqueror in the fields of art or invention. He absorbed from her idea without knowing it. She has sent her thought to him without knowing it. The man has been in all these cases the unconscious gainer. The woman has been the unconscious giver. Neither knew that the chief parts of their real beings were invisible, and that these parts— filaments, so to speak, of thought—reached out far, far from their bodies, meeting, mingling, attracting, giving, and receiving an unseen element, thought. In this way and without knowing it, woman has ever done her work; the feeder and inspirer of every man who has ever done any thing great.
When we aspire, when we desire that which is noble and refined up to our full capacity of realizing nobility and refinement, we are actually sending our thought, a literal part of ourselves, into the higher and more refined and more powerful current of thought. The feminine spirit has more power to so send its thought than has the masculine; and although man may express in words or other ways grand and beautiful ideas, it is because those ideas have in the rough, so to speak, been brought him through a woman seen or unseen. She might not have been able to put them out in the form he did, or express or act them in his peculiar method. But she gives the idea just as I may give you the diamond, and you may cut and polish it, which the woman might not so well be able to do. But she finds the diamonds, and for her true companion it is ever her delight to find the diamonds of thought, of idea, of device; and it is in the completed union as great a pleasure for him to put the idea so given by her into practical operation. If woman is made to work as it may suit man’s present convenience to have her work, she will find him clay instead of diamonds.
If woman, when she finds out her true value and relationship to man, will not assert that value and insist on its recognition, not in the style of the scold or vixen, but that of the dignified, loving queen, anxious to please; but firm in insisting on her method of pleasing and serving, then she is as much at fault and fully as responsible for all the pains that she suffers as he is. Because no one can get justice for us but ourselves; and it is our business, when we see clearly that we have a value for others, to make known our value to them. If those to whom we make it known cannot see it, then we should cease giving until they can see it; and if we continue to give when we see our gifts misappropriated and wasted, then we are the greatest sinners. If you throw silver dollars to a crowd in the street, they will scramble for all you throw, and barely thank you for them. There is often just as unwise and profitless giving of sympathy and all the aid that comes of sympathy in the closest relations of life. When any gift ceases to be fully appreciated, and is still looked for as a matter of course, he or she who so continues to give sins more than he or she who receives; for if they know the value of what is given, and the other party does not, it is the business of the wisest party to take some method for making that value known. Sympathy is force. If you think a great deal of another, and yours is the superior mind, you are sending them force, sending them a current of thought element, which may feed, inspire, and strengthen them in both mind and body. If you do not receive back a thought current of similar quality, you are injured in mind and body. You give, as it were, gold, and get back iron. The inferior mind you so feed and strengthen may be able to absorb but a part of your gold—your quality of thought. The rest is wasted. That inferior mind may in cases be that of the true husband, whose spirit as yet has not grown to fully appreciate the value to him of his partner’s thought. A man and woman begin to realize the result and profit of a true marriage when both are united in the purpose of making themselves more healthy in mind, and as an inevitable result more healthy in body, and when both have one great aim or purpose in life.
They will recognize that if the thought of one is in any way low, grovelling, or vulgar, such thought must prove an injury, and the greatest of injury, to the other, and if persisted in will ultimately prove an injury to both. Both will be ambitious and aspiring to make of themselves ever‑growing powers for good to all. When the man recognizes in the feminine companion mind a source to him of new idea,—a river flowing to him from the currents of clearer thought; when she in the man recognizes in turn the power that shall take and apply this thought to practical uses on that stratum of life with which her finer organization is less fitted to cope—then theirs is a true marriage. Then as regulating their united lives on this basis, and demanding, desiring, or praying often for divine guidance, or, in other words, for ever‑increasing store of clearer and wiser thought, will they give each other new life to the body and new life and power to the mind. They will re‑clothe their spirits with new bodies. They will ultimately live as they may desire, either in the seen or physical world, or in that unseen world of spirit in which they may belong. They are then on the road to powers hitherto unknown or but vaguely hinted at in this our present stage of immaturity and crude and imperfect civilization. They will be each to the other as healers, as teachers, and always as lovers; and the stage of the next year’s love, the next month’s love, the next week’s love, and to‑morrow’s love, will be one more exalted, more blissful, more intense, than the love of to‑day. Because their union is of that order suggested by a teacher of old; it is as “a savor of life unto life,” and not of “death unto death,” as any outward union must be which is not sanctified by both love and aspiration to be better, purer, and more powerful to‑morrow than to‑day. And it is only a united aspiration for more of goodness, more of power, more of Divinity, that will bring what is now so often and so vainly sought for, the love which ever glows, the love which never tires, the love which is to‑day as tender and considerate in so‑called trivial things as it was when wooing was the order of the day, and the too common indifference of winning had not set in.
The influence or mind of the person you are in the closest association with will be the ruling influence to greater or less extent, despite all your efforts to prevent it. If it be as a lower order of thought, it is pitch; and you cannot escape having that pitch cling to you.
It is not possible for any other man or woman to put asunder permanently those whom God, or the Infinite Force of Good, has joined together. They are as much destined for each other, as the planet is destined for the sun around which it revolves.
It is in the possibilities of existence, that the two of a complete marriage may be the one in the physical, the other in the spiritual or physically unseen life. It is also among other possibilities to be recognized in the future, that through the continual closeness and blending of the thought or spirit of the two, there would grow eventually a tangible union, even on this side of life, and that, in any case, they would be united on the other side; a union which would be retarded if the other road was followed. For, if the man so situated unite himself with another woman, he might find on losing his body, that though his life with her was not happy, yet her influence or thought, whether she was in the body or out of it, still hung about him, drawing him away from his real partner, or forming betwixt him and her a barrier she could not pass or penetrate, and often as a result of this another re‑incarnation will be inevitable before his spirit attains to such strength, or sees with the spiritual eye with sufficient clearness to know the woman destined for him.
2luxury2 (n.d.). [Image]. Retrieved June 30, 2021, from https://www.2luxury2.com/how-to-plan-a-luxurious-bali-vacation/
Mulford, P. (1886-1887). The law of marriage. Your forces and how to use them (pp.149-160). Hollister, Missouri: YOGeBooks by Roger L. Cole. doi: 2015:01:16:10:43:09